Thoughts Lately

I haven’t written in a week or so, which bothers me.  I like to be writing at least 2 times a week and I have taken pride that since I have started this blog, there has only been 1 week, now 2 that have gone by without a post from me.   I actually have been writing, but they have been things that I didn’t feel I wanted to post here.  Not because there were too personal, but I have been contemplating the real essence of my blog.

As of recently, I have been writing mainly about LGBTQ themes and issues, and experiences in my life being gay.  I have found that these posts have had very positive impacts on people I didn’t even know were reading my blog, which makes me ecstatic.  I write because I want to help people and I want them to feel less alone, so when I hear that something that I have written touches someone, it means more than they will ever know.  I have thought a lot about if I should stick to LGBTQ things only, or if writing positive messages in general is what is most important.  For now, I have decided that writing positive messages is the most important thing.  This may change in the future, but I like that my blog is evolving.  That is the point anyway, always need to push to be better.

For the last couple of weeks, I have had some not so positive experiences.  It doesn’t really matter what they are, just know they are experiences that have been breaking my spirit.  I have been having a lot of self-doubt and thoughts about whether or not I can actually achieve the things that I want to be achieving.

Are my goals too ambitious?  Can I actually get into the shape that I want to be?  Am I smart enough? Am I good enough?  Does my voice matter?  Can I actually get to where I want to be?

Questions like these fill my mind on a constant basis.  It is easy to let doubters and haters help me come up with negative responses to those questions.  You cannot let others determine how you are going to live your life.  If you work hard enough to follow your dreams, you will accomplish them.   I took the time to think about things that I need to remind myself every day to clear out the self-doubt and hate.  I think it is important for everyone to do the same.  Reading positive thoughts about yourself help make you realize what is important.  I also have been writing down things I want to accomplish every day.  These things don’t always get accomplished, but it helps to see them written down.

I know this post is a bit all over the place, it gives you a bit of insight as to where my head has been lately.  What I keep coming back to, are the important things that I have in my life and making sure I give them energy and focus to make my life more positive.  I am grateful for my beautiful fiancée, I am grateful for my little family I come home too every night, I am grateful that I am loved and supported.  Those things cannot be taken lightly.

My advice today, is to pick something that you want to do everyday that helps make your day and helps to clear your mind.  One of my favorite activities is playing fetch with Bentley, but after a long work day and going to the gym, there were many days that I don’t get to this.  Essentially hurting him and myself.  Recently, I decided to start my day off every day, I will take Bentley for a walk and a quick round of fetch.  It helps to remind me that the littlest things in life are the most important.  It is important to do things that make you happy every damn day.  Not to mention looking at that little face that already loves me so much and thinks the world of me, it is hard not to be happy.

Bentley Face

Once last thing I will leave you with, a quote from Mr. Steve Jobs “Don’t let the noise of other people’s opinions drown out your inner voice.”

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