Life’s Little Lessons

This past weekend, my fiancée (yes, I am having fun name dropping that whenever possible!) and I received news that her grandfather had had a heart attack early Saturday morning.  We immediately got in the car, packed up our Bentley and drove directly to Rhode Island to see him.  Thankfully, we got the best news yesterday that his arteries are clear, the stent he currently has in and his triple bypass surgery from a few years ago looks great.  But being here in RI has been filled with little lessons/stories that I wanted to share:

  • One of the subjects I have talked about recently is how most of the time I really do not associate myself with being a “girl”.  But this past weekend, our aunt told Grandpa that Samantha and I were coming up to visit.  We got stuck in major traffic so it took awhile to get there and we were later than we thought.  Apparently the whole time Grandpa kept asking “Where are the girls? Why aren’t the girls here yet?”  A lot of the time the name girl makes me feel weird.  But hearing that story made my heart melt.  Having just found out about Samantha and I in April, Grandpa and Mimi have not only accepted me, they have given me permission to marry their granddaughter, hosted me at their house multiple times and even attended our engagement.  It means more than anything to me that I am able to be sitting in their house in Rhode Island right now and be there for the whole family.  When I heard that Grandpa was so excited for us to come, that he couldn’t stop asking, I couldn’t help but tear up a little bit.  It felt nice that I was being included and I didn’t mind that I was being called a girl so much.  I found that very interesting about myself.  I think it speaks a lot to how I associate with both genders.  More times than not I feel that I relate more to being male, but I still enjoy and associate things about being female.
  • Family is everything.  Never take it for granted.  4 months ago I never thought I would be sitting on a couch at Mimi & Grandpa’s house watching “Grace & Frankie” with Samantha and her family.  I looked around the room while her aunts, grandpa’s sister and Mimi were laughing and thought to myself, “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”  I feel so lucky and honored to be accepted into the Lavin clan and am so happy they accept me as one of their own.  It feels like it was always meant to be that way and I am happy that Samantha and I don’t need to hide anymore.  Too many members of our community don’t get to experience times like these with their biological family, or the person they love’s biological family.  So those of us that do get to experience it need to soak it up for all it’s worth.
  • Sometimes the people you least expect to accept you for exactly who you are turn out to actually be your biggest supporters.  Many things were said this weekend about how others who don’t support us can learn to deal with it, in exact phrases such as it’s “tough shit” for them.  There will always be people that don’t support you or your love so hold onto the ones that do.  They are the most special people in the whole world.
  • Life is too short to keep in secrets.  You never know when someone you love may no longer be here.  If Samantha hadn’t told Mimi & Grandpa about me, I wouldn’t have been allowed to be here this weekend.  That would have broken my heart.  As hard as it has been worrying about everyone and Grandpa getting better, these past few days will always be some of my favorite memories.  From Samantha’s Aunt in her early 70’s telling her Aunt in her 40’s who knows nothing about Facebook “oh you have to follow, I see everything about Samantha and Lindsay on Facebook”, to laughing with everyone when the toilet overflowed in their brand new house and I was the only one home to deal with it to having everyone around the table for dinner.  It has been more special than they will ever know.  The best part is Grandpa’s heart is great and his health is better than we thought from Saturday.

Always remember, life will teach you the littlest of lessons when you least expect it.  That’s why it is important for you to keep your eyes and ears open at all times, as you will never know what it will teach you.

Lavin Clan

My New Family


2 thoughts on “Life’s Little Lessons

  1. Joy Lenters says:

    Norman and I refer to our two dogs as “the girls” – like “Where are the girls?” or “Did the girls go out?” They both happen to be of the female sex. Meanwhile, a friend of mine up here in Maine refers to her two dogs as “the boys” when, in fact, one of them is female. Why, I asked her? She said that they are a twosome, like siblings, and saying “the boys” was a way to refer to them as her kids, the beings she is responsible for, that together they were an entity onto themselves. So, you and Samantha are a twosome now, an entity, a couple. And for us older types, you together are Grandpa’s beloved beings. I think that’s inherent in saying, “the girls.” For myself, I have to work at not using that term to my own daughter and daughter in law – they aren’t my grandchildren, after all, and they are grown up women, so I say, “Ladies, when do you have to leave” when I am referring to them as an entity of two. Other times, I refer to them by name when I am thinking of them individually, not as a couple. I guess I am saying that the term, “the girls,” is less a reference to gender, and more a reference to love or how you are loved as a couple in addition to being loved for being Lindsay and Samantha. Kinda nice.


    1. lindsayfelderman says:

      Joy- I completely and whole heartily agree with what you are saying. Which is why it made me feel so special and loved. I found it interesting how nice it felt and how comfortable it was for me. It made me happier than ever to hear him referring to us as one. Thank you for sharing 🙂


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